Beetle Juice has nothing on me

WOW.  Johnny Depp looka wooka yes please!  Bartender....WHY OH WHY ELLIE - You know their type!  Ohhhh why not, what’s to loose...only my dignity at a later time!
Wearing a black uniform and gelled back black hair you'd love to run your fingers through, tall, and as always, a very mysterious appearance.
He asked me on a date and of course I said yes...

In preparation of the date...

Now in my defence, I was young at this time, having just turned 22 and previous this I had two long term relationships so wasn’t used to the dating scene!!

After work in Covent Garden, I and a few colleagues went next door for some Dutch courage, all of which added wine to my glass over an hour or so, once I left for the station to meet him at the train station closer to home I was already a quite tipsy and very nervous!  Then at the station, I was able to buy a glass of wine in a coffee cup!  On the train, I fell asleep, missed my stop, was fined £20 at the next station, and then had to pay £30 for a huge mini bus to take me back to the correct station!  Already I had spent £50 and was more than tipsy.  Totally my fault but was a nervous wreck. 

The date...

The embarrassing mini bus pulled up at the station and Jesus Christ was I shocked.  Yes he was there waiting, and why I didn’t just tell the driver to turn round I’ll never know...there he was, in a TOP hat, long PVC jacket down to his ankles with DR MARTIN boots on!  OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I wanted to die.  Guilt over came, and I got out the mini bus.  We said hi and he seemed rather happy; complete opposite to how I felt.  Where did he then decide to take me in that outfit...(baring in mind, where we were was the capital of ex boyfriends city)...WETHERSPOONS - full of old smelly men, cheap beer, and a nice bus stop full of piss-heads outside to greet us.  This was the best part of the night!  After walking in and asking me what I'd like to drink, he pull out his YELLOW Oyster wallet with coins in and throws them on the bar.  Utter cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe!  I told him to put it away as I have lots of change on me anyway, so I brought the drinks...ALL night!  I am a LEO and Leos are traditional Mr. Beetle Juice tut-tut!
We sat down and he took off his top-hat and coat (phew), underneath he wore a pin stripe suit too big for his size which is where he got the name 'Beetle Juice' from.  But to be out of that coat and off with that top hat was a huge relief and I started to relax.  Its not that I'm shallow but come on, I am human!  He was a Gemini so the conversation was flowing.  Until....'Look closely at my face, go on look closely' he said.  Ermm what exactly was I supposed to be looking at here?  'Can you see three faint hair lines?  It’s where my mother slashed me as a kid!'  Hmmm AWKWARD!!!
Did I stick around?  Of course, I ended the night paying for a cab BACK to his and then had Dad come pick me up in ghetto ville!  I offered to pay to take him home to ensure he got home alright so it was totally innocent but to this day I don’t know why I did offer instead of ensuring I got home myself!

I heard from him the next day saying how he thought I was a Princess and couldn’t wait to take me out again....YES Beetle Juice I bet you couldn’t, because I PAID for the whole night!!

NEVER AGAIN!

An introduction to the world of dating disasters!

After years of friends laughing at my disastrous dates and encouraging me to wrote a blog on the subject, I have caved in, and decided to give you all a good old giggle in to my history of dating-mares!

You know that old saying 'Those who can’t do teach' well there's a whole lot of TRUTH in that for moi! My life is one big one cliché, I am an absolute klutz on dates and generally around attractive male species, yet when it comes to providing advice and tips on them, I unveil a natural talent - or so they say!  Ladies, I know how to charm the socks off men with a proposal at the end of it but when it comes to following my own advice; I'm sorry where were we?  You see, I lose all sense focus, I freeze, go giddy; and have even dribbled in the presence of a man I liked!  But, I am not to be mistaken for a bitter, and twisted old bat, I am a normal, confident, and career driven 25 year old.  I drive, I have plenty of friends, I have a lovely family, and yet why I can’t bag a decent man because I attract moronic dates!  Is there a reason I fail on dates?  Is it fate telling me that, that particular date is a no-go?  Who knows, but at least I can provide you with some humor at the end of it!  If you have any disastrous dates you want to share, or looking for advice on the male subject, then I'm all ears.  I will also add it to my blog so we can all join in and discuss.

At 17, once the braces were off, and the spots has disappeared, I found myself constantly pondering what it would be like to be swept of my feet by a real prince.  Yes, I was and still am a sucker for Rom-Com's, Disney films, and having JLo as my all time favourite, doesn't help either!  In fact, it makes life worse - considering I am clumsy anyway; expecting a man to save me from falling over my own two feet just hasn't happened - yet.  I am a hopeful though.  Always hopeful.  Now 25, I find myself still hoping for him to happen.  Though, I have wised up, a lot.  No longer do I believe everyman’s’ word, nor do I believe they are all princes.  But I do believe in Love, and that is something I will always believe in.

So, here we have my dating disasters, advice for women (the irony never seizes to amaze) as well as your stories and questions unveiled....